Cant Stop but LOVING YOU MORE

this is the only way why i can still BREATHing and live like a normal person....  DREAMING is the only thing i can rely on.... you can say im stupid or what... i doesnt care, since this is the only way i can live with... that's what im....

i know im just a normal girl (properly an ugly girl), but that's why all the negative emotions easily found me... JEALOUS the FIRST... hate myself for that... ALWAYS, but my mind n heart cant keep itself still... and it always bring myself trouble....

as always, my mind will always as clear as crystal when i lying on my bed every night before i slept.... and the mind will keep running out those thought... and drive me into deep black hole... SCARY...

every time when i saw u, there's only one thing came into my mind....

im nothing but a normal person, i cant even dream of myself standing beside you... you're too shine, as shine as the sun which always shone the world with it warmth... cant help but keep falling for you...

Hate YOU, Myself

long time no see, EMO-ing... arh.... tension damn down, since i had first get into the BRAND NEW WORLD, i din have any cell to be emo, BUT today indeed...... haiz....

i hate GUYS who talk much (with all those non-sense stuff....), cant u just keep ur mouth SHUT and leave urself far away from US?!!!!! hate the way u speak out EACH WORD, the way u ACT, they feeling u EXPRESS.... HATE GUYS that's the reason, GUYS with EGO really pissed me off...

damn bloody hell SHUUUUT......

cant u all just keep what u have inside ur mind.... if u really cant keep it, ok, express it but PLEASE mind ur limit, dun u think u will just pissed someone else off?.?  ok, i knew u DAMN proud of urself with THOSE things, but...................... just hold urself carefully k?

i though it should be PRIVATE or sort of SECRET but u will always put some THREAD in front other peoples ask lead them to the SECRET...... 

nar............. i understand what u want.... i want the same thing too... but i had always keep myself inside.... maybe that's why i cant stand others express themselves fully....

i found my shadow from ur back...

that's why i hate you.....

myself 

【散文】晚安

新的一年新的开始，至少我是这么觉得的。但是，为什么现实老是一而再再而三掀开我的伤口。

忘了、遗忘了，不，只是单单地忘记了。

曾经以为自己已经不再是以前的自己，真的。但为什么我就是这么讨厌自己呢？真的是讨厌吗？也许是，也许不是。

不懂，真的不懂。只要我假装听不见，那天的泪水是不会掉下的。但为什么我的脑袋就是那么清醒呢？我真的不想，真的希望自己能在值得庆祝的那一天完全开开心心地度过。但是...

不是早已经知道了吗？知道他们一定会忘记这件事情，但......心底的希望总是待在最深处，不断地期待着。

血不再苦涩，轻轻地吸允，是我喜欢的甜蜜。泪，一如往常地调味着那香甜的鲜血。

默默地，在自己心里点上了无芯烛光。

晚安，这不眠的夜晚。

【Poem】Raining

both my world

filled with tiny rain drops

salty when i tried it with my tongue

arh.....

it's raining

after i change my mind of you....

after i heard what you said...

after i face the truth again...

still the same...

the past and now...

why ?

im always alone at home...

staying alone...

keep my mind off....

with those things made me happy...

but...

mask had break into pieces...

and again...

rainy day....

arh....

i want to shout

Same

ok, we are the same.... at least from my observation... we are....

im not very sure from the beginning, thinking why should you avoiding my gaze even though i did the same thing to you... naar... i know the reason for mine act... but of course, not yours...

im lazy thinker, if you guys have any issue with me, please say out... even though i will get hurt or MAD, i will still accept it and think it all around....

dunno what to do, just let the falling pieces fall where they should....

even though we are just opposite each other, we still cant meet each other eyes....

OMYB

GREAT!!!!!! Someone had already bought the book that im going to but next month.... even though i shout at FB and asked my friends to buy me each... but i know that's just a DREAM and REALITY is what i always accept and look for it...

Depress...once again, LONG TIME NO SEE!!!!!!

FS.... cant laugh after she chao... even i had filled my time with BigBang for almost 5 hours plus... but im still depress from what i had just found.... FS!!!

First time thought that POOR is such a SUCKS situation... especially these few months, i really think that even im poor, i have others thing that make me happy.... Friends, DouJin, BigBang, Animation and Manga, Cosplay and such..... arhhhh......... i think today is really SUCKSS....

BOOKS....my life, Story had already became my oxygen which support my life....i cant life without it.....

oh books, i cry cry
you're my all
say goodbye
oh my STORY
don't go go
you're my HEART
say HAI HAI = =a



ps: aki, dont poke me after this ToT

【Poem】最爱的雨天

我很想清醒，但却不想看见现实....
It's nothing but DREAM....
再一次，我逃进了自己编写的故事里
...and i, will be the one who know nothing but DREAM...


呆坐在无人的空屋子
想着的是
身在远处的你
doing nothing but missing you
is the only thing i can do
your smile
will always stay in my mind
my heart

望着无云的天
吹着微凉的风
在静静的午后
想着你想着你
闭上眼睛微笑
i have no dream every night
but i know the reason why
because i had used all of my dream
to miss you every second
after i awake in the morning

靠在浅蓝的墙上
坐在柔软的床上
抱着曲起的双脚
想着我们的距离
melody which fill with my feeling
keep composing inside my mind
without noticing it myself
a melody
filled with both sweet and bitter


“等我”
是你留下的最后一句话
"i will stay here till you back to me again..."
i smile...

if this is dream, please... let me be....

Singing is my LIFE♥

that's not the only thing which is important in my LIFE actually... Of course, LOVE is what i need :)

LOVE, in my own dictionary, included many kinds :)

but that's not what i going to write here....

just want to tell someone, and no one... it's a secret that only kept deep inside my heart.... i don't what is LOVE between people, but i want to make my DREAMs come true... That's what i am doing now... keep writing and writing, non-stop writing and made those DREAMs become REAL as in the story....

LOVE between 2 different people -no matter gender, position, name, age- are splendid as fireworks and remain forever as the time passed....

and WORDs.... is the only thing left that i can still holding it tightly....

ya, i don't know what LOVE is, but still...... i hope that you can find LOVE in my story....

still....DONT know.... i dunno whether or not, i Love u.........

【诗】近况

曾经的一切
曾经的过去
曾经地拥有
都是
曾经
早已消逝
却
深深地
深深地
埋藏在内心
永远存在
像根刺般
隐隐约约地刺疼着
那依然跳动的心
无时无刻
提醒着
那
曾经的
曾经

很幸运
很开心
最近的生活
彻底地改变
被欢笑围绕着
慢慢地
能力被认同
新事物
等待被发现
生活不再
低沉失落
忧郁孤单
低头失望
那些会过去吗？
未来是
无知

幸福
曾经一度认为
只能擦肩而过
但
最近却仿佛
稳稳地握在手中


幸福
这是吗？
可是
不是说过
如果太过幸福
会遭天上的嫉妒吗？
我可以...
将幸福慢慢地从我
指尖
流出

我只希望
未来
依旧有
微笑





不是不说
只是
因为太过在意
我
说不出口

Deadline, a deal for myself

ok... I'm such a last-minutes person.... yayaa~~~ Sometimes even left me one day, i will still playing fool around and ignore what i SHOULD do... cant i just get myself out of the abyss so that i can have a more reasonable life (?)... maybe i can said it as a NORMAL life.... nar~ my life is just normal and BORED.... but what made my life different is... i always keep my mind and soul closed and alone...

i know what i should do and what shouldn't... but i just cant hold myself tight and right... with all those excuses and distraction, i can be a MORON and i always be....

closed my ears and eyes.... open my mind and my imagination... open my file and i will continue my story....

澄清

我知道我的外表能带来很多不真实的情报...所以本人特此澄清！！

1. 我的英文真的不好 = =
我说过很多次了，但是真的没有人理我 T.T 读英文书，并不代表我每个字都认识啊~ 用英文写部落格也不代表我英文用词能力强呗~ 说英文这只是因为本人的马来文超烂！！！本人很努力地学习中，因为我真的很想出国，也不想在国外饿死 = =|| 所以一连用华语写了3篇网志~

2. Choir，我不想上台指挥 ToT
至少5个人说我一定是其中一名上台指挥的那个...而且其中一个还是高高层！！天~~为什么？！！另外两个说我会是上星期一的那个！！！没天理...真的没天理...不要可以吗？心里毛毛的...所以说，前辈们，你们是不是应该去检查眼睛呢？

3. 外表和内心的差别
本人样衰，很容易让别人产生误会，认为我是很凶、很严肃...严肃是有点，凶的话只要你不要惹我，万事好商量~~说真的，我到现在还是不会分辨好人坏人...而且我也习惯了自己一个人在班还是做东西...呵呵！~

4. 今天才发觉到的Point,我有拿华语，但却不是因为我的话语很好 = =a
从小学开始，我都有在上华语。是啊，所以呢？这并没有什么大不了的~拿华语只是因为我想做翻译，这话语是我最常用的语言呗~虽然如此，我的话语却是百般错误，用词不当，词不达意，句子更是严重的不通顺！！所以本人希望不必要的误会继续加深 = =+ 我那话语并不是因为我的话语很好，而是因为我想成为翻译！！！

認識你（們），謝謝

出了一天的門，也讓我發現了很多事情，這真的是預想不到的事情。從來沒有想過有人會當面的告訴我她的看法（對於我的看法），雖然我一直很在意別人的眼光，但是真正的認同如果能當面訴說的話，真的讓我安心不少。不是說我想假裝還是怎麼樣，但是至少那時我認為人應該就是這樣，而不是另外一種做法，所以才能找就了現在的‘我’。

在中學發生的事情，第一次的我可能真的還沒有反省；而第二次卻舊戲重演真的讓我一度不再相信任何人，而本人的自我更是埋藏在深處，連自己都碰出不了的深與沉。我知道自己很負面，但是這是從我對於自己的外表有了真正的人之後就開始養成的性格，那是根，更是本；不是說想改就能改。就算真的能裝成我不在意，但却只會讓我陷入更深的邊緣。

雖然不知道你們覺得我是怎麼樣的人，但我只能用我覺得好的方式去對你們。如果你想找人申訴，我會在；如果覺得被逼入困境，我會想辦法；當你覺得沒有希望的時候，請想起我。

吶，沒有你們，沒有現在的我。

喜欢还是仰慕？

很多人都会说，感情都是有仰慕延伸出来的。因为仰慕，让你更注意那个人的一举一动、更想去了解他、接近他，但是喜欢这种感情不管是对于我还是对方，都是一种负担。很重很重的负担...只要是我...

很多女生都会说为什么要仰慕呢？直接喜欢不是更幸福吗？就算不能真的在一起，但心里呆着一个人的感觉是很不同的。

但只要这一切扯到我之后，什么都开始变质了。而欣赏、仰慕只是一种方法，一种让自己不再做梦的方法。

仰慕是被吸引，就会产生不同的情愫的原因。

但就只能这么多，再多的会让我更沉重，也让对方喘不过气。

够了，是时候停止了。对你，也会是仰慕。再多，你不会要，更可能唾弃；再多，我会埋怨，更可能极端。

停止吧...

6RK1里的我

真开心我没有转校，也很开心我换班。谢谢你们6RK1的各位，希望我不会再经历被排斥的回忆。

转进这一班的我，真的是完全改变了。平常都是不冷不热的态度却在去到那一半后万全县蒸发了。可能是我潜意识吧，想重新出发，让自己从压抑的过往解放出来。

当第一天上MUET的时候，我知道我有点过于兴奋了（明明就是很粗鲁咯！>.,<），但是由于多半是认识的人吧，所以有点很投入的感觉。是不是觉得我的嘴巴口无遮拦叻~~而且真的是‘男生这种生物被我评得一文不值（本人由于很生气我家老兄的丑态，所以对男生有很大的偏见= =+）。拍谢啦~~因为终于可以给我发泄嘛~~（可是太超过了吧~可能有人认为我是Lessbian的~反正我也不介意~）

我可是有‘妇’之‘夫’的人叻~~ 原本有在RS的你们，还记得我在RS的时候是怎么样的吗？就和她们混在一起的时候，我也不得不认真XD虽然不是做作，但是总觉得如果我不努力的话，就没有资格站在她们身边的感觉。呵呵~~

很愉快，第一次可以混入人群真的很开心。平时摆着一张没有表情的脸就会给别人一种，“串”“严肃”“生气”的Aura，就会让人退避三尺还是怎么样。所以对于终于做回和好朋友相处的模式后，轻松了很多，虽然现在的我还是会害怕又再被人杯葛。所以如果我真的伤了你们的心时，记得和我说，我并不想再一次承受那种孤独感。

文人总是不被外人所了解，而他们总是落得孤单身影。 刚认识6AK1的学生们，就觉得我们这一班会是很团结的班级。 虽然很可惜的是有朋友要转校了，可是没办法，离校太远了。 没关系~~我们一定会再见面的~~

祝我们6RK1
~永远开心 ^^

About LIFE

I think my day will just GREAT if i can SHUT my mouth UP in front my mum...



I hate people talk about OTHERS people life or stuff or anything... Is HARD to handle our Life properly, isn't it?.? Then why should we care or bother or even TALK BAD about others life...

Maybe you think i'm just isolate myself from others or the WORLD... but i just can only take care of myself... and that's a difficult mission... There's always so many thing i need to do and learn... When people talk about Gossip or nonsense, i will just replied with more nonsense, but no comment on GOSSIP...

Elders, especially WOMEN, They LOVE to talk about others stuff or problem... Maybe they talking about all those thing is only to educate their children or Showing Their Life is good or what or be proud of something or her Children... But is that a good thing to do just because u enjoy it so much till The Subject of their Topic will get HURT ...

OK, u can call me selfish or Ego or Self-center or whatever u want... BUT...

I can just only handle my OWN life, and it's a DIFFICULT Mission!!!

I just want a PEACEFUL LIFE which will only fill with Friendship, is already enough...

My LIFE, MY RESPONSIBLE, NOT YOURS.

Get to Know yourself Better

It's about me... :P Don't feel like all true but... You're the one can agree or disagree with this Post :P

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Coming Soon

wow... i`m away from Animation Such a long time...
haha~~ miss them so much~~
MOE~~ :P

never mind~ the longer i wait, the more moe i will get ~ KYAAAAAA~~~
so there's 3 animation i'm looking forward~

Monoshitsuji (2nd season of Kuroshitsuji)


Uragiri wa boku no namae siteru


Code Geass R3



Starry Sky


@.@
so many handsome GUYsss~ :P
otanoshimini =w= 'niao'

小孩的微笑

自从开始了这份工作后，忽然觉得这份工作还真的有意义。

虽然工作的时候很难忍受小孩们的无理取闹、任性话语跟坐立不定的坐姿，可是当我们看见小孩们的成绩进步的时候，还真的蛮开心的。

两件学习中心里，都有几位在学习上有问题的学生。当我第一次看见她们的时候，说真的我吓了一跳。当我检查她们的学年与她们现在的学习阶级时，心里多了一份不忍与可惜。

有一位是行动不便，他每次上课的时候都很辛苦。母亲一直牵着他进学习区，帮他拿出功课交。如果他自己走路的话，真的是摇摇欲坠，四肢瘦弱。开门对他来说也是一份很艰巨的任务。

一位是稍微迟钝的小孩，今年6年级的他因为成绩关系，并不能参加小学评估考试。他在我们的学习中心报读数学课程。在上个星期五的课，我辅导他。因为另一位老师还有其他的学生要监督，所以他就让我下手。他稍微提我说那位学生的问题，再对我说，：“这类的小孩真的很缺乏信心。在这之前更有别的老师拒绝收他。他一开始上课的时候，我们只能给他幼儿园的程度，而现在他开始可以计算加减了。”

那一天的我，可能是工作了这么多天第一次感受到教育性的伟大。教他并不是很难，他自己也发觉到自己的错误，只是他并不相信自己。当他走的时候，他还和我道再见呢~

他的微笑，真的让我觉得能教导她们真的很开心。

Alice in Wonderland

When i first saw the CM board of Alice, i thought that's some kind of Ghost movie or Scary movie. Then i keep told my friends that i will not watch that movie, no matter what. But one day, i re-watch my anime, Pandora Hearts, then i change my mind...

Pandora Hearts, got a character call Alice, a thing call Mad Hatter and a cat call Cheshire... When i saw the trailer for Alice, i started to ask my friends, "Hey, want watch Alice?.?" Lolz...

About the story, just like normal story... The Cruel Queen, Tragedy all around the land, people who suffer, and always a Dragon to kill...

What i LOVE about the story is Mad Hatter... When he saw Alice, he said that he sure she's The Alice although others think they found someone else... In this movie, Alice totally forget about the Wonderland she went before and always thought that just a nightmare... and she keep mentioning that she's dreaming and she will awake after some time...

When Hatter Fall for Alice

I cried, once again for a movie which no one will cry just like i do... HAHA, i cried because of Hatter, that poor Hatter... Alice think herself insane because she keep dreaming a DREAM, but her father comfort her that,"the Great person always be the mad one..." or something like that (i have forgotten the exact sentence :P) and Hatter think he's insane too because of the surrounding, the Red Queen attacked their people, and people live under FEAR... so there's Alice, she told Hatter the same thing as her father told her...

To protect Alice, Hatter put himself in danger... and Alice tried to rescue him too... When the White Queen ask who will be the Champion to Fight with the Dragon, Jabberwocky . Hatter is the first Volunteer instead of Alice... Till that second, i always think that Hatter Fall for Alice...

When Alice won, The White Queen past her the dragon's blood which can bring her back to her world,and Hatter told her that," you can choose to stay..." What a GREAT idea... but Alice refuse to, she said,"i will always remember you, Hatter..." (or something close... :P)

The way Hatter ask Alice to stay is so sad... and i cried...

Hey, Alice meet Absulem, the blue caterpillar who transform into a Blue butterfly but why not Hatter ?.?

Hatter, I LOVE YOU :P

彼方·男朋友

对于女生来说，这是一个很具幻想、希望以及期待的人物。这世界上有许多女性朋友都会一一列出自己心目中白马王子的条件，但有多少位小姐的丈夫或者是男朋友是完全符合她们列出来的要求呢？并不是说完全没有，但是可能性却非常地微小。

某某友人曾说过，“我要我的男朋友高过我...”这是很常见的条件。“我要我的男朋友体贴，事事关心我。”人嘛，都是希望自己是被人惦记着。“我要我的男朋友会说英文...”会说而已，谁不会？Thank You 也算是英文吧。

现实是，某某友人一开始真的很介意自己的身高高过她的男朋友（他们谈的是远距离恋爱），虽然嘴上说不介意，继续和她的男朋友走下去，可是事实上她老是抱怨说当他们见面的时候场面一定很难看。她的男朋友还算体贴吧，都老是让她，可是她却老爱无理取闹，发大小姐脾气，所以生闷气的戏码对我来说已经习以为常了。英文啊...我没听过，无以致评。但她说他英文很烂，比她还烂（她会说一点点，看懂一点点，但写法却是有点糟）... ... ... 无言。

如果你问我，我希望我的男朋友是个怎么样的人，我会答，“男人什么的，没想过。”

我是说真的，我想过的男人都是动漫小说人物，尤其是小受小攻们更是一绝。可是，我是一个很现实的人，加上我有过多的自知之明，所以将自己归类为恐龙一族、男生绝缘体等腐女+宅女。

170cm的身高，脸上满是豆豆，左眼对不上焦点，过于庞大的体型等...对于男生来说是很致命的。加上从小体验的人事物更让我理智永远排第一，男人只能存在于幻想间，现实最好为了别人于自己而将自己隔离。所以导致我身上有一股“男人莫进”的气息。

男朋友~她们好甜蜜哦~